By Hannah Van De Peer
A woman says “breaking up” with her best friend was much harder than any relationship split – and it even left her in therapy.
Sabrina Kirberg, 31, had a decade long friendship with her best friend until they finally ended up parting ways after an argument, she claims.
She said she went through the “five stages of grief,” and believes it’s not as easy as “eating ice cream and having time with your girls” – like a typical break-up.
She had to seek therapy to help her “grieve” the friendship and still thinks about her friend everyday.
Sabrina, a mental health co-ordinator from New York City, said: “Breaking up with a friend is like grief. You go through denial. It’s so much worse than relationship break-ups.
“You think you’ll be fine and you just need to get through the rough patch – but then comes the depression and you just find yourself crying all the time.
“When it comes to a romantic relationship you’ll be sad, have your ice cream and go out with your girls.
“But losing my best friend was like having my support system ripped away from me, all at once.”
Sabrina met her ex-best friend at an athletics club when they were 16, she says.
They shared a number of “firsts” together over the years – including first boyfriends, passing their driving tests at the same time, and being allowed to hang out without parents supervision.
But as they got older, they began bickering a lot more Sabrina claims – and she felt left out when her friend started spending time with other people.
After Sabrina met her partner, Nathanial Baker, 29, she says the two grew even further apart.
The pair had one last argument – during which they argued about Nathanial, she claims.
Sabrina didn’t reach out afterwards, and they haven’t spoken since.
She said: “There’s a lot that triggered the break-up – there were a lot of mean words and anger thrown around.”
Sabrina says she’s still coming to terms with her friendship break-up, five years later – and has gone through the five stages of grief in order to accept it.
She denied the break-up was happening at first, thinking the pair would make up just like they’d done before.
Then, she became angry – as well as depressed, and says she “cried all the time”.
Sabrina said: “All you do is ruminate.
“You go through the memories all over again.
“I spent a lot of time trying to figure out the catalyst for our breakup – everything I could’ve done better.
“I just got angry and ashamed of myself for seeing the red flags in the relationship and ignoring them – and why didn’t I end the friendship earlier?
“You go into bargaining a lot when you’re reliving the memories, which is just like the third stage of grief. I kept thinking, ‘if I’d done things this way, it would’ve happened differently in this way’ – and it spirals out of control.”
Sabrina still thinks about the friend on a daily basis – but she has worked through her feelings in therapy.
She said: “Years after, I still think about her every day.
“But, I think acceptance happens.
“Therapy was how I coped with it – I learnt to love myself so much, I don’t feel like I need another person to feel complete.
“I just allowed myself to feel everything – anger, rage and sadness. I realised, the more you push it away, the longer it’ll stay.”
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