A woman who says the pressure to be a “perfect mum” led to a suicide attempt has become a bodybuilder and now feels “worthy”.
Rajni Singh, 43, struggled with postpartum depression and anxiety and had a lack of confidence.
The mum-of-two put pressure on herself to be the “perfect” wife and mum but says she “lost herself” instead.
When approaching her 40th birthday and after being hospitalised after an overdose Rajni had a “wake-up call” and found a 12-week body transformation programme.
She found a love for fitness which has helped with her mental health and turned her into a super fit 43-year-old bodybuilder.
Now the mum says her relationships with her family and herself are better than ever.
Rajni, a practice manager for the NHS and an online fitness coach, from Hornchurch, East London, said: “I was trying to be a perfect mum – but in that I lost myself.
“In the spur of the moment I tried to take my own life and take an overdose.
“I felt like I was in a whirlpool.
“Now every single day when I go to the gym I’m pushing my limits.
“I’m inspiring my own children.
“Me and my daughter are best of friends.
“She’s so confident.”
Rajni moved to the UK from WHERE 23 years ago with her husband, Daljut, 43, a property developer, but struggled with the “culture shock”.
She struggled with postpartum depression after having her daughter, 19, and son, 17, but always put a smile on her face.
Rajni said she continued to struggle with her mental health and it began to impact her behaviour and relationship with her children.
She said: “I was putting a lot of expectations on my children.
“There was a phase I was trying to get my daughter into grammar school and she did.
“I was more ambitious than her. I hadn’t had that sense of achievement for such a long time.
“Once she got into the school she held a grudge.
“I could see my daughter becoming like me – scared, shy and not confident.
“I had normalised for her to not be confident.”
Rajni’s became so depressed she attempted to take her own life in June 2019.
She ended up in hospital after taking an overdose but said it was a “wake up call” and started to make her realise she needed to make a change.
Rajni also struggled with multiple physical health problems – such as osteopenia, herniated discs, sciatica, vertigo, piriformis syndrome and a frozen shoulder.
Her final wake up call was when she was about to turn 40.
She said: “Me and my husband were sat together and he asked ‘how are you feeling?’.
“Do you feel so accomplished?
“I had no answer. That hit me really hard.
“I didn’t feel happy. I’m turning 40 and I’m only going into the darkest phase of my life.”
Rajni found a 12-week body transformation programme with 43,000 participants and threw herself into it in June 2021.
She said: “Those 12 weeks changed me.
“You prep as if you are doing bodybuilding.
“I came in the top 50.
“It was my first achievement that made me go ‘I’m worthy’.”
Rajni fell in love with fitness – going into bodybuilding – and she had now progressed to calisthenics – a form of strength training using your own body weight.
She has even competed in Ms Great Britain 2022 – coming fourth runner up.
Rajni goes to the gym five days a week and added: “It’s my place that I fill my cup.
“Fitness is not just the appearance.
“It’s building resilience.
“It’s limitless.”
Rajni wants to inspire others who feel stuck in a rut or struggling with their mental health.
She said: “Now it’s all about self love.
“It starts with you and ends with you.
“I look forward to the gym like a child looks forward to play time.”
